When people back home call me a tai-tai, I always scoff and say I’m a pseudo tai-tai or a glorified housewife more than anything. After all when you have half your face buried while scrubbing the toilet bowl, furiously rubbing soap scum of the bathroom tiles or mopping and sweeping my life away, thats hardly the life of a tai-tai. But then after a while, I take a stab back and realize that its just my negative thoughts speaking.
I do live in one of the most eclectic places in the world and I got a pretty shiny apartment. My apartment has a glorious view of the Hudson river and I get to stay at home while the rest of the world slaves away and I get to have ‘tai-tai’ lunches with my fellow housewives and I get to buy whatever I need without worrying about the cost too much. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I need to look and focus more on the positive aspects of my life. I may not have everything perfect all the time but I have everything (and a lot of extras) that I need to make me happy right here and now. And its the here and now that matters.
Sometimes I get a little down because I focus on my supposed career regression, my seemingly blind quest towards finding my purpose in life, difficulty of adjusting to American culture and coping with being so far away from my family and friends. All these negative emotions make me lose sight of why I’m here in the first place.
I’m here because I met a man that I’m willing to trade all the things I have in Singapore for. He treats me very well and I know that he’ll love me for all of our collective lives together but more importantly, I left Singapore with the thirst of wanting to find out whats out there and to fulfill my dream of wanting to live overseas. Except that I’ve always thought that I was going to live overseas for a few years and not leave indefinitely. But who knows what’s going to happen in future, maybe we’ll have enough to straddle two homes in opposite ends of the globe!
I left Singapore wanting to explore the rest of the world, to venture out of my comfort zone, to acquire new adventures! but yet sometimes I let homesickness and fear of change eat into my soul. But you know what, I’m not going to beat myself over that. Its normal for people to fear change and its normal for people to resist change. Instead of worrying about my imperfections of adjusting, I’m going to applaud myself for taking a bold step towards building a better life for the both of us. Its normal to feel homesick and its normal to fear change. I must remember that different is not always bad, different lends an opportunity for one to contemplate about what was and why the present is such.
After a few months of marriage, the exhilaration of new love and the palpitation and excitement of the nuptials has worn away. Instead it’s being eroded with the quiet comfort of knowing there’s someone at home waiting for you; the definitive comfort of knowing that when you have a bad day there will always be someone at home waiting to give you a big bear hug; best of all you know that no matter what happens, no matter what silly arguments you might have had, you take comfort in the fact that he/she will always be walking beside you for the rest of eternity.