Category Archives: Fear

Reminiscing boating life

A few days ago our friends from SV Malaika sent us some pictures of our old boat SV Oia. These are the new owners (pardon the intrusion but a good reminder that you’re never really outdoors alone especially with the crazy zooming capabilities of high end cameras!)

IMG_4487 IMG_4495 IMG_4521

 

The little sail boat that Kris spend many waking hours repairing but didn’t get to sail across the world. It made me feel a tinge of regret and a little whimsical to be honest.

Of course, I am perched high up in my Manhattan apartment, wayyyyyyyy removed from the elements of the sea that affords me with the luxury of being whimsical. A boat is SHEER hard work, loads of physically labour and financial liabilities attached to it for brief moments of pleasure. (IMHO)

Kris refuses to budge on owning a sailboat as opposed to owning motor boat. I dislike keeling over with a vengeance so I guess we’re never owning a boat again.  The idea of living in a boat/owning a boat is really romantic, one envisions picturesque sceneries, wind ruffling through your hair, big hats, fashionable sun glasses and cruisers without a care in the world.

Well thats a FALLACY! Sailing is harder than driving, you have to look at sea level (fishing lines), surroundings (other boats), below (rocks/corals and what nots) all the time. The wind has a mind of its own. If you don’t enjoy the physical act of sailing, I recommend just flushing cash down your toilet bowl instead. Electronics and the sea are arch enemies, so there is ALWAYS ALWAYS something to fix!

But once in a while, its nice to look back at the experience of owning a boat. An alternative lifestyle, a road less travelled, courage to pursue (his) dreams and tenacity to follow it thru. He wanted something, overcame all the challenges involved, planned and strategized to reach his goals! That’s my SUPERBOT husband! A Do-er and a Dreamer! Me? I just am his whacky side-sick, willing to ride on these little adventures with him!

Truth to be told, there was brief moments that I enjoyed the rush of doing something different, the thrill of being afraid but the anticipation of fear was really what got me in. Lesson learnt? Dont waste time being afraid of the future, live in the present. The fear of fear is often worse than the actual scenario.

Thanks OIA for the memories.

The immigrant housewife speaks

When people back home call me a tai-tai, I always scoff and say I’m a pseudo tai-tai or a glorified housewife more than anything. After all when you have half your face buried while scrubbing the toilet bowl, furiously rubbing soap scum of the bathroom tiles or mopping and sweeping my life away, thats hardly the life of a tai-tai. But then after a while, I take a stab back and realize that its just my negative thoughts speaking.

I do live in one of the most eclectic places in the world and I got a pretty shiny apartment. My apartment has a glorious view of the Hudson river and I get to stay at home while the rest of the world slaves away and I get to have ‘tai-tai’ lunches with my fellow housewives and I get to buy whatever I need without worrying about the cost too much. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I need to look and focus more on the positive aspects of my life. I may not have everything perfect all the time but I have everything (and a lot of extras) that I need to make me happy right here and now. And its the here and now that matters.

Sometimes I get a little down because I focus on my supposed career regression, my seemingly blind quest towards finding my purpose in life, difficulty of adjusting to American culture and coping with being so far away from my family and friends. All these negative emotions make me lose sight of why I’m here in the first place.

I’m here because I met a man that I’m willing to trade all the things I have in Singapore for. He treats me very well and I know that he’ll love me for all of our collective lives together but more importantly, I left Singapore with the thirst of wanting to find out whats out there and to fulfill my dream of wanting to live overseas. Except that I’ve always thought that I was going to live overseas for a few years and not leave indefinitely. But who knows what’s going to happen in future, maybe we’ll have enough to straddle two homes in opposite ends of the globe!

I left Singapore wanting to explore the rest of the world, to venture out of my comfort zone, to acquire new adventures! but yet sometimes I let homesickness and fear of change eat into my soul. But you know what, I’m not going to beat myself over that. Its normal for people to fear change and its normal for people to resist change. Instead of worrying about my imperfections of adjusting, I’m going to applaud myself for taking a bold step towards building a better life for the both of us. Its normal to feel homesick and its normal to fear change. I must remember that different is not always bad, different lends an opportunity for one to contemplate about what was and why the present is such.

Moving on….

After a few months of marriage, the exhilaration of new love and the palpitation and excitement of the nuptials has worn away. Instead it’s being eroded with the quiet comfort of knowing there’s someone at home waiting for you; the definitive comfort of knowing that when you have a bad day there will always be someone at home waiting to give you a big bear hug; best of all you know that no matter what happens, no matter what silly arguments you might have had, you take comfort in the fact that he/she will always be walking beside you for the rest of eternity.

 

 

 

 

Project Grateful 365: 174, 175, 176, 177!!! Mega Combo Edition

Sorry to my loyal readers! I have neglected this blog because I went on a summer road trip with the bot. We rented a car and drove to Harrisburg Pennsylvania and stayed at a hotel for a couple of days. I loved the bed in the hotel! It was the Country Inn Hotel and Suites and the king sized bed, has this wonderful thick and fluffy mattress protector that made me feel; I was sleeping on a cloud! I think I am going to tell Kris that I want a mattress protector for my 30th birthday! I know I’m supposed to feel old but I REFUSE to feel that way. I’m only about 1/3 my way through life and it has been a crazy ride for the 30 yrs, ups and downs and have made me who I am today. I’m not sure how the rest of my life will PAN out but my goal is to be happy and content for the rest of my life!

 

Sorry for switching topics! So I’m grateful for 4 things

 

174: Hershey park (1)

Walt Disney was wrong, Hershey Park is the happiest place on earth. Every kid there was smiling from side to side. It was hot as hell, but chocolate cheers everyone up! There is quite a few family friendly rides, kiddy rides and crazy-ass rides for the thrill seekers. Personally we took quite a few wooden roller coasters that I liked very much. I didn’t like the vertical drop ones and the ones that went at lightening speed. Just for the heck of it, we also took a ferries wheel, Hershey’s Kissing/Revolving tower and an adult carousel. It was a very hot but fun day! Oh I also got to see sea lions. Which I love! Because they are so fat and cuddly!

I must thank my hubby for this wonderful trip because he was an excellent driver and the ONLY driver I must add from NYC to Harrisburg.

IMG_4210 IMG_4225

175: Gettysburg (2)

I learnt quite a bit about the Civil War in America – the fight between the Union and Confederate States. It was very interesting to see (mostly mock ups) of how War was fought in the 19th century, primitive as compared to today, but still devastating like all wars are.

IMG_4251 IMG_4255 IMG_4256 IMG_4267

176: Experiencing the Amish culture (3)

On the last day of our road trip, we drove to Lancaster county where they are many Amish families still in existence. Its a very interesting and closed community who reject electricity, but use solar power, batteries and propane to heat the house, have a fridge, have lights and power a singer sewing machines. Instead of cars, they use buggies and horses. Its just so fascinating to see them reject technology and ‘modern America’. They don’t like to have their photos taken and have minimal decorations within their home.

IMG_4285 IMG_4288 IMG_4289 IMG_4301

177: Long walks, new friends and a beautiful sunset (4)

Today I met a friend to walk across the brooklyn bridge, like me her husband was posted to America for work and she doesn’t have a visa to work here. She’s very cute, she’s always offering me stuff she brought extra from the market. Like garlic, sauces and what nots. It was a beautiful day to walk across the bridge too. Its nice to meet people who are stay at home wives like me cause we got afternoons to relax, explore the city, exercise and have yummy lunches! I must learn to appreciate being a housewife more and stop waiting so anxiously for my Green Card so that I can can work, because I’m sure that when it comes and I need to wake up at 7am to work, I’ll moan and groan! So here’s a gentle reminder to myself, to enjoy the idyllic days while I can, just because I deserve to be pampered and happy!

Later in the day I met E and Charlie Bear and we trotted to Chinatown for my favourite Kungfu tea. He’s such a cute lil bear and his mother is such a sweet person that being around both of them makes you smile lots.

I’m sitting here in the sunset typing away while eating leftovers, grateful for my life right now.

IMG_4336

Sure my lost green card paperwork is a bummer, annoying root canal/multiple cavities and little annoyances here and there come up sometimes, but I must remind myself to always look at the glass half full. There are also a thousand other reasons why my life is going well! Shitty days will always come, but I’m just going to roll along the waves and let it all dissipate. Life somehow always finds a way of panning itself out. My stuff is delayed but at least not denied and a root canal is not all that bad, its annoying but not as scary as my wisdom tooth experience. I think after fixing my 7 cavities, I’ll rid my Dentophobia. I have hope! No more shaking in the dentist chair! Fearless Charbot from now on! Hup Hup Hup!

DENTOPHOBIA

I am morbidly afraid of dentists. I panic every time I have to see one and for the duration of time that I call to make an appointment to the day of seeing the dentist. I usually have nightmares.YUP! That’s me Courageous Charlene. I am seeing one tomorrow at 1.30pm EST. YAY ME

I need to repeat this 200 times.

I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DENTIST!

I have been to countless dental visits. Each and every time I come out alive!

  I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DENTIST!

Even if I have a cavity, I can take a LA to prevent any pain.

  I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DENTIST!

Maybe I won’t even need any drilling.  

  I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DENTIST!

Stop imagining the worse, maybe it’s just a routine teeth cleaning. (YAY!)

 I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DENTIST!

Even if you panic now, if its there its there. If it needs to be done, it needs to be done. So why worry?

I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DENTIST!

Its going be okay, it always is okay!

My dentist tomorrow is going to be kind and nice and will understand my irrational fear of him/her. Its going to be alright CHARBOT! YOU’RE A GROWN WOMAN! I WILL CONQUER MY IRRATIONAL FEAR AND FROM NOW ON I WILL NO LONGER BE AFRAID OF SILLY THINGS!!!!!! *THUMPS CHEST*