Entry written in plane ride to BangkoK*
As the plane took off, it dawned on me that I love travelling because to me, travelling gives me the illusion of being free. Up at 20,000 ft I can admire the the vast ocean and the natural landforms while being sandwiched between the clouds. It gives me a freeing feeling, as if I was tied to nothing but a spectator of the natural wonders of life. For some reason that is deeply comforting to me.
I dislike being tied down with expectations that society has on me. Being a daughter, sister, wife, friend, teacher etc etc while most of the time gives u the comfort of familiarity and a social support system, sometimes can be tiring. I’m largely an introvert, I like people but in moderate doses. There is nothing I value more in life than having time alone to reflect, ponder, read, write and enjoy time with myself.
As a teacher one goes into a class and transforms herself into an actor, trying to bring students into the 1800s or whatever era of history i am teaching for the day; like a form of theatrics. I mean I loved being a teacher, parts of being a teacher was rewarding but having to assume the role of an adult, watching what you say and do at ALL TIMES was challenging. My kiddos are young and impressionable take things far too literally and my brand of humour may not totally not sync well with my bosses/parents/colleagues if paraphrased then repeated.
I found that role of being lil miss perfect particularly difficult as a teacher. I tried very hard to stick to my principals and the essence of who I am but it wasn’t that easy. To stay out of trouble, or to avoid problems, I sometimes just adopted what was deemed acceptable to the organisation. Conformity in Singapore society was a big big thing; hence having desire to be different, made one stick out like a sore thumb.
I think the above was important in my choice of a life partner. (apart from the fact that kris is a wonderful wonderful man) I feel that being non Singaporean, he was a lot less judgemental. I’m not entirely sure if it’s a personality thing or a cultural thing that he had less demands on me as a gf/fiancée/wife. I guess it’s a bit of both. Being with him gives me a feeling of freedom, that I could always count on him for help and support even if he didn’t agree with what I wanted to do. He was always encouraging, supportive, protective but never intrusive. He offers suggestions/alternatives but I never feel pressured into adopting the same life choices as him. It’s a delicate art I feel, wanting the best for someone yet at the same time, resisting all urge to say, ‘No don’t do this’ and giving that person a chance to make his own mistakes. It’s something I struggle a lot with in relationships with those I hold closest to my heart. I’m getting better at it over time. (or so I hope)
Freedom is something so intangible yet something so fundamentally important to every human being,